Pins and needles

The first session with Mistress is tomorrow. And though we've met once and chatted tons,  Her sweet would be lying if he didn't admit to a bit of nervousness. Not nervousness in regards to what Mistress will do, will be like in those moments where there is privacy and She can assert Her dominance fully in person (well maybe a titch), but will Her sweet be fully pleasing, will Mistress enjoy Her gift in this setting. 

Anticipation, arousal, knowing what it feels like in person to be at Her feet. What She has swimming around that exquisite mind of Hers ...

This slave tries to put it out of his head, but the thought just creeps back on and lingers. he finds himself stopping what he's doing at times, unknowingly, until he snaps out of his daydreams and ponderings in Mistress. 

Until tomorrow my Goddess. 

submissive vs slave - Her sweet' take

Though I never would have thought of myself identifying as a slave, Mistress' post the other day helped guide Her sweet to the correct identification - under Mistress that is. i have always thought of myself as a submissive in this lifestyle. Rules to follow, someone to obey ... But it always more or less ended when the session was over. i never thought I would want or need anything more than that. Then Mistress Manda, the Goddess. 

Under Her short guidance so far, She has helped me to understand the true value of serving someone like Her as a slave. Anything less with Her seems like it would be fairly inadequate and unfulfilling. By giving up myself to Her as Her rightful property, Her sweet has found a level of, excitement yes (i would be lying if i didn't admit that), but more importantly a level of freedom and satisfaction like i've never known in this world. And it's only just beginning. 

i have so much to learn, so much guidance to be given, so much love to get and be given to my Mistress. There are times i have to pinch myself to make sure that it is real. But it is. And more then I could have imagined or known. 

Thank you my Goddess, my Mistress. For Your direction, encouragement and guidance. i have so much to learn from You. 

Life happens

Mistress uses this phrase a bit and Her sweet was considering it this morning during meditation - life happens. It is true, life does happen. Knowing there will be times Her sweet can't be in touch with Mistress as much as he'd like and the fact that a domino of "life" for the past few days has hampered that, doesn't make it any easier. 

Why does life get in the way of things you need?  It seems on face value to be an oxymoron. Isn't life necessities and not really wants?  Shouldn't necessities always trump other things. 

But there is the rub of it. Priorities. Some needs overpower others. Like the need to go to the bathroom vs the need to eat. Using the restroom will always come first, because you can't do the latter comfortably without doing the former. 

Does this mean Mistress is a lower priority need?  Her sweet doesn't think so. Some things have to be dealt with first, but that doesn't mean the others aren't a constant in your mind. Knowing that Mistress is right there at all times, that i answer to her at all times, that She allows other needs to take place first with the understanding that She still maintains control. Knowing that She understands that without taking care of a few needs first, Her sweet cannot truly enjoy the main need - Her ... All if this leads this lowly slave to understand that, as much as it truly, truly sucks that other needs come "first" sometimes, Mistress is the ultimate need. She is the ultimate necessity. She is the constant in his mind. he now lives to serve Her. 

On my knees

Mistress' sweet has been thinking quite a bit the past few days while working about the act of kneeling before Mistress. It seems like such a simple act. But the reality is in the complexity of it. What goes through Her sweet's mind as Mistress makes the command to kneel. The subservient role to no longer be at eye level with Mistress. Though She always has control, prostrating on bended knees with head down, unable to look at Mistress ... It makes Her sweet's heart race just considering it. 

Knowing Mistress appreciates the small acts of domination, he can imagine the smile inside and out that comes to Her face when She makes requests like this. he can imagine her feet as She walks around Her sweet. What thoughts go through Her mind? How long will She admire Her sweet in this position? 

Mistress' sweet longs for this act of submission. he longs to be Her feet, his rightful place of worship. 

Just a small one

So as Her sweet stood atop a roof all day today, tearing off layers of shingles with his back in sever pain by the end of the day - yes 9-9 ... All he could think about most of the day and truly this moment before he goes fast asleep ... Mistress. Her embrace. Her kiss. Her love.

A hard lesson learned

Yesterday, Mistress' sweet was a greedy cum slut. he asked for permission to masturbate, not trusting in Mistress to tell him when, where and how to do so. The result was a command Her sweet was unable to fully accomplish and disappointment for Mistress. 

The punishment was writing Mistress' name on the bottom of his foot to be reminded of his failure to do as Mistress commanded. 

This was a sad lesson. Mistress' sweet was and still is very upset with himself. Knowing that every time he walks, he stepped on Mistress ... A very difficult punishment to live with. 

The lesson learned? Twofold:

1. Don't ask Mistress to take advantage of what she owns for self pleasure. It belongs to Mistress. She knows when and how it is to be used for he pleasure and the benefit of Her sweet. 

2. Carry out Mistress' commands as ordered. Failure to do so will bring emotional pain for displeasing Mistress. 

Thank you Mistress for teaching Your sweet the lesson. he is humbly sorry he had to learn it. 

TPE

Today, i told Mistress last night that Her sweet was going to explore more of the TPE aspects today with Her. What brought him to this strong desire to fall further under Mistress' protective care?

Two things: his discussion with Mistress yesterday for one. Learning more about Her enjoyment and pleasure She gets from the control. Knowing that aligning myself under her is something i need. Being completely enthralled by Mistress and a heightened desire to serve her. 

Secondly, Her sweet can't get the kiss She gave out of his mind. Knowing in that moment She had claimed him. The effect was powerful. 

During morning meditation on Mistress, Her sweet considered what all it would mean to fall fully under TPE with Mistress. he realized the many obvious things - asking if he can use the restroom when needed, asking if he can eat, asking for permission to leave the house on errands. he knows it will take some adjustment to fully get there, and will no doubt be apologizing to Mistress many times for forgetting to get Mistress' input and instruction. But Her sweet is excited to take this next step with Mistress.