What i meant ...

So i did think quite a bit about Your comments this morning to me regarding obsession. Though i was a bit out of it to explain myself earlier, i do have the proper response now :)

So You, my Mistress, i wouldn't define as an obsession. At any point. One of the synonyms of obsession is infatuation, which is typically something that burns bright for a minute and them fades. Infatuations are snapshots of time. 

So to liken You to am obsession, would be to degrade my feelings for You or what You are. 

Putting Mistress in par with an obsession would mean She is something that is only based on a heightened few moments of intense emotion, that She will fade from my thoughts all too quickly. 

So no, Mistress. You are not my obsession. You are so much more. 

Working out

So i become quite obsessive about a few things. Working out is one of them. It's either an all of nothing thing with me. i do it, and do it completely, or i do not. i am not sure why. Not everything in life is this way with me. i can tell You that i start with a very specific process. This is how it goes:

1.  Mental imagery: i want to know what i am going for. Is it Jason statham's back? Christian Bale's arms? Ryan Reynold's v? i may not get there. That isn't the point.  The point is something to strive for. 

2.  Routine research: now i have been lifting for awhile. Understand the principles pretty well. But again, not the point. The point is to hype myself into the process. Get my head bought into the punishment i will bring my body. Also, it helps to get the routine plugged into my lifting app for tracking purposes. 

3. Supplement restock: a visit to gnc after doing inventory. Simple reason. Just to stock up and be ready. 

4. Doing it: i may need to start out slow and that is fine. Don't need to injure myself. But in a few weeks, when the veins are pumping and the muscles are growing a bit - muscle memory is a great thing - they tend to grow quickly at first - it becomes a great feeling. 

It's good to have an obsession once in awhile :)

Homosexuality

Though i know for a complete fact that i am straight as an arrow, very comfortable with my sexuality and all of that, the admission that certain homoerotic and completely homosexual images do stimulate me a little bit is, well, a reality. 

A picture of an attractive man, kneeling in front of another, cock in his mouth, happily enjoying it, hand on the back of his head ... Yes ... i can see myself in that position. Mistress' eyes looking on as she directs the scene. Her legs spread slightly as She enjoys the scene. Looking over and catching Her eyes as my head slides up and down a very hard cock. 

Imagining Her circling around ... Playful slaps and pushes - "take it all" and pushing my head deeper around the cock until i gag. And She laughs. 

Making the other man get on his hands and knees and telling me to fuck him ... Watching Her eyes light up as my cock slowly slides in his ass. She stands on front of him and pushes his head down so She can just watch me ... Taking a man for the first time. She tells me to stroke his cock as I fuck. Make him hard. Slap his ass. 

So i am very comfortable with my sexuality ... But knowing this turns on Mistress ... Makes me want it. 

OCD and me

So here is my response to OCD and how i may have a touch of it myself. 

Obsession: the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire; a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces it's way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness. 

Compulsion: a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, especially one that is irrational or contrary to one's will. 

In addition to the things mentioned in reply to Mistress' blog, i do have a tendency towards this kind of behavior. It presents itself in small ways for the most part.  But it always presents itself with a knowledge that there is no in between. It is either done or it isn't. (Is there such a thing as controllable OCD - because that would be closer to the truth). Here is an example:

When i decide to get in shape, lose weight, gain muscle ... i do it. It becomes a single minded determination. My life begins to revolve around it to a certain extent. In between does not work for me. It gets me noplace. 

When it becomes an obsession, it works. 

Now, and here is where i am sure i am not clinically an OCD individual ... If i put it down, it is down. No need to think about it, desire it, worry about it. In fact, in some cases, i prefer to go the opposite direction in full stride. Why? Actually ... Not a clue. Variance? Variety? Dunno. 

i pursue wholely. i do fully. i explore completely. With an obsessive pursuit. 

So is this OCD?  Not sure. Maybe a version. Would i change it? Not at all.