Not sure where that part of my personality came from. Neither of my parents are like that. No big influencer in my life - mentor,etc - has been like that. i am not so sure that i was always that way, in fact i know i wasn't.
i learned that most things are possible. That given enough time and energy and will power and brain power, most things can be figured out.
Which is why my clients grew to love me. Never say no, just do it no matter the cost. Always my motto. And then: never take on a client that can't appreciate the sacrifice and doesn't repay you for it (after figuring out that not everyone cares if you accomplish "the impossible" for them and can't tell the difference between that and boiling an egg).
What is the point of this rant? It actually is rooted in something (specifically telling a client that something couldn't be done - it could, i just would have to make a sacrifice i was not willing to make to do it). But the larger point is that this go to attitude is part of me. Not just part, it has become me. On many levels, business, personal, sexual. It all has tied in together. I believe i told Mistress that i am very alpha with my work. Multitasker to the nth degree. Get it done at all costs. This is where it comes from. Which is also, oddly enough, a desire to please. Desire for recognition like a puppy fetching a stick. So do i do it for me or others? A bit of both i think. A bit of both.
egads.... that's cute, not heard that one in a while. Yes, you've told Me about being an alpha in work. I can see the 'get er doneness' about you. I can understand that drive and not knowing where it comes from. I too, am the same way. I've actually used other's negativity to drive Me to do what they think I cannot. ''I'll prove you wrong and look good doing it'' sort of thing. Mine, however, stems from My mother telling Me I was worthless, unlovable, a piece of trash, and would amount to nothing when we were in private. When we were in public she'd talk about how 'beautiful and special' I was. So I never ever let simply My looks dictate what I did. I HATED modeling and doing pageants but did them for her. Outside of those, absolutely everything I did had to be based on My willpower.... I studied My ass off to stay in the top 10 percent in class. I worked My nails to the nub being the best damn cheerleader I could (had a full ride scholarship to UofM with the cheer and academics....blah hate that I didn't take it). I worked hard at everything ''work hard play harder'' type of thing. I was a Manager at Long John Silvers when I was 18-19 (the youngest in the region). I've always just had to prove Myself. Not to others necessarily but to Myself. I have to today as well... I have to prove to Myself that I'm not those things My mother called Me when I was younger. That I have merit, worth, talent, and willpower to make life the very best for those I love and care about.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, gosh I seem to talk much about Me...
Let's get back to you. I do see that drive in you. It's impressive. Very few have that internal drive to do the impossible. To reach for the moon and surpass it ultimately obtaining not simply the moon but the entire galaxy. It's one of the many attributes you have that I truly admire. I see the 'need' for you to be patted on the head, scratched between the ears, and told you're a good boy. That recognition drives you even more to reach new heights for the next time around. That attribute can both be a great inspiration yet can be your demise as well. Be careful when you don't get recognition that you don't attribute it to being failure in your part and then feeling bummed. Once bummed you'll over analyze it and ultimately hurt your creative process.
you're an amazing man, multi faceted.
Ich glaube nicht, dass es eine Sache, über dich, dass ich nicht ganz verliebt. Ich liebe dich jonathan, Mein süßes Haustier.