...

i wish i wasn't like i am sometimes. That i wouldn't fall back on instinct of me. The pattern of who i tend to be. The problem is, i don't often have this part if me tested. So instead of stopping and thinking and resolving to change ... i get stuck on the imprinted pattern. 

When facing mental/emotional strain, i just don't handle it well. i know. i retreat. Want nothing to do with it. The moment. i shut down. Flight not fight. i shut off. Everyone. Which isn't fair. Not to everyone else. It isn't. But i just do. 

And getting lost in a project is typically where i go.  Something where i don't have to think and can just do. 

i am sorry Mistress. It is truly a dick thing to do. Rude. Obnoxious. You don't deserve it. i am sorry i introduced You to that. i am sorry that i purposefully neglected You in my flight. 

i ... Am sorry for being so flawed.