When facing mental/emotional strain, i just don't handle it well. i know. i retreat. Want nothing to do with it. The moment. i shut down. Flight not fight. i shut off. Everyone. Which isn't fair. Not to everyone else. It isn't. But i just do.
And getting lost in a project is typically where i go. Something where i don't have to think and can just do.
i am sorry Mistress. It is truly a dick thing to do. Rude. Obnoxious. You don't deserve it. i am sorry i introduced You to that. i am sorry that i purposefully neglected You in my flight.
i ... Am sorry for being so flawed.
We are all flawed. To be perfect is an illusion so don't apologize for illusion. The purposefully neglecting Me and the communication between us, yes deserves an apology. Next time a simple 'hi Mistress, going to work out frustrations again... will contact you when I can, if that pleases you' will go a very long way. Especially after even though I was in a tremendous amount of pain and sickness last night, I still tried to comfort you.
ReplyDeleteI am not anyone... not everyone else in your life. I have clear expectations that I will have met. I will bend over backwards to be sure you're happy, satisfied, and taken care of... but I will not be taken for granted due to My graciousness.
In moments like this I struggle... I'm upset, hurt, annoyed... yet care so deeply for you that knowing you're better almost makes up for it.. almost.
you've accomplished your task.. to work yourself through your frustration.. and in doing so laid a heap of it in My lap.
I don't expect you to cure all My ills.. I don't expect you to be My all in all.... Yes, today would have been a bit better had I not felt as though I was treated as an inconvenience. I do expect that simple routines are kept. That even when you're stressed there is some form of communication, even if it's minor. That I'm not treated as just another 'thing' in your life that you can walk away from and forget for a while...
Having said that. I'm glad you're better. I'm glad you worked through some of it at least.